learning from love

 sometimes i wonder if i will ever understand my feelings and thoughts i spent 14 years with someone who never made me happy i can't remember what it feels like to have anticipation and desire to feel desired or wanted i'm not sure i even believe that it exists, was it a figment of my imagination? what is it like to have a partner who talks to you? who doesn't stonewall? does it exist could i ever find someone who would give me what i need? or are my ideas of love akin to romantic fiction? all i have are questions and as yet no clear answers.